Nigel Lewis says:
10 Sep 2010 | 17:18:26
Hi Daghome, I just spent half an hour replying to you and somehow it got lost! Well I better walk my talk and do it all again, cos these things happen and when they do its no good thinking about them its a case of picking myself up and getting on with it.
I replied from the heart so I guess this reply may be different to the last as now I am in thinking mode rather than feeling mode so I will try to repeat the theme of my reply at least.
I was trying to help you to be clear about what you want. If you want to spend a lot of time trying to understand your life in the past then a counsellor will definately help but it may take along while.
As a coach I tend towards using therapy to help remove the resistance that the past causes in our present but I like to do that quickly. This may be by cognitive coaching, EFT, Reiki and usually a combination of the three. I also find hypnotherapy helps.
To me you sound like a person who understands himself quite well, you have done well to overcome battles in life that many would fall at the first hurdle.
To decide what you want, try to approach the problem at a time when you are deeply relaxed, breathing deeply and aware of your body. Try not to think too much and begin to feel more.
There are many therapists on this site and each may have a different approach, the ones that will be right for you are likely to be the ones that feel right to you.
Even life coaches and therapists face relationship problems, alcohol dependence, childhood residue, guilt and depression. The difference is that they have learned tools and techniques that have worked so well for them that they can't wait to share them to help others.
I would say to you that at 64 you are a brilliant age to share your experience, concentrate upon the times you were successful in achieving fun and plan to recreate them and help others who are facing difficulties that you have overcome.
I personally avoid spending too long on my mistakes and the things I cannot change but keep them in my peripheral vision so as to ensure I do not carelessly repeat them. So what do you really want? Maybe the key is to decide that and then plan how you can achieve it. Who can help you ? Are you wants realistic? How much do you really want them? Is your guilt worse than mine? Is your past worst than mine? Are you more dependent on alcohol than me? Does it really matter? What does matter in miy mind is what is going on now, what is missing? How can I find it? What am I grateful for? Sorry if I have gone on a bit but believe me I know that today and tommorrow are going to be good. Thats what matters. Good luck with your quest, I hope as many therapists as possible reply so you can feel which is right for you.